What spurred me on was a voice in my head:“Get outside. Do something,” rather harshly, I thought.But yes. Go outside. Clean the spot in the corner.Where Jupiter’s Beard hangs over the curb. I pulled the last of the weeds and roses.The sun shot beams between the clouds and hills,Darkening them even as the colors dancedInContinue reading “His Voice Still Sings in My Memory’s Ear”
Category Archives: LBD
Still, I Await Instructions
It was a year ago that my sweetie entered into hospice care. His decline had been steady since late 2021, but in January of 2022 the slide became steeper. He was weaker, the hallucinations were more frequent and more severe. He would wake up many times a night, insisting that he was expected to “goContinue reading “Still, I Await Instructions”
The Story Continues
The unreal reality of my first Christmas without my sweet Dewey is behind me, while the vast expanse of a new year – the first full one – as his widow stretches before me. It’s hard to know where to look. As the trauma and grief ease ever so slightly I realize there is soContinue reading “The Story Continues”
Put the Best of the Worst on First, My Friend
That line is from a song written by John Hartford – a nonsensical patter song with a driving rhythm. These early days of grief are a lot like that; words and thoughts and emotions tumble and roll, often making no sense, yet driving one on. Snatches of sentences punctuated the dark like lightning, both comfortingContinue reading “Put the Best of the Worst on First, My Friend”
What a Difference a Year Makes
It’s been just about a year since my last post, the one wherein I said we were headed into uncharted territory. I was not wrong. I set this blog aside, knowing my energy was needed elsewhere. I was not wrong there, either. On March 19, 2022, my sweet Mr. Dewey breathed his last. I willContinue reading “What a Difference a Year Makes”
Heading Into Uncharted Territory
I have come to a heartbreaking understanding that we have likely entered the “mid-to-late phase” of Mr. Dewey’s LBD. The hallucinations that hit hard last month are frequent. The incidence of behavior best described as dementia-related psychosis is more frequent, and triggered by seemingly small events. Yesterday, for example, we were on our way homeContinue reading “Heading Into Uncharted Territory”
Scarlett
Saturday was a good day – my sweetie helped me weed some in the garden, run errands, enjoy treats and a beautiful spring day. Then, at about 9:30 that evening, he went downstairs to put away the cats’ dishes and came back up a different person. His face was haunted, instantly vacant and gaunt. It’sContinue reading “Scarlett”
Selfish Goals. They’re OK.
I spend a lot of my energy trying to help my sweetie find joy. I often convince myself that it is to make his life as good as possible. That is not a lie. But I realize, especially when I see little things like this cartoon, that I’m really trying to make small memories forContinue reading “Selfish Goals. They’re OK.”
Night Moves
This week has seen an increase in night time disruptions that involve Mr. Dewey getting out of bed and completely dressed, including shoes, and once, a jacket. It happened seven times in one night, and there has only been one night this week without one. What’s most interesting about this is that he can rarelyContinue reading “Night Moves”
Falling
Falling is a big worry for people with LBD. Between the stiffness, shuffling, stooping that throws off the center of gravity, and the general disconnect between brain and body, it’s an ever-present worry. We have stairs that lead to the lower level. We have steps, even in height, but uneven in spacing, leading to theContinue reading “Falling”
Lewy, Dewey and me 